On Love and Sex (for KarlH) | The Lonely Goth's Guide to ...

KarlH suggested that I cure my love woes by taking recourse to club hook-ups.? I?m not morally opposed to this, but it isn?t the answer ? or at least it isn?t the whole answer or else the answer for me.

I know a thing or two about sex.? I know, this might come as a shock to some of you, but I do.? When I was KarlH?s age I had men and especially women leering all over me, which is a little strange for a pudgy, out-of-shape, bizarre and melancholy individual like me ? but then the world is full of surprises, so if you?re inclined to disbelieve me then you should interpret this as one of this strange world?s unexpected ironies.

I did the LBGT club scene in the nearest college town(s) (mostly here, as it happens) from early adolescence but never actually hooked up with anybody despite all the offers because of moral reservations.? But even in a more haphazard and accidental way, I still have gotten a decent exposure to sex.

In addition to occasional ill-considered one-night stands with accidental strays and the odd threesome, there was Connor D. (a long-distance relationship I did not initiate that we both agreed was totally about sex and not about love).? Connor ultimately ended the relationship to marry a heterosexual woman in order to pursue a more conventional lifestyle.? And then there was a long-term (15 year) in-person relationship that was explicitly and only about sex, despite a couple of attempts by my partner to make it into something else by becoming insanely jealous of all my love interests and periodically proposing marriage.? (Before you think I am a total cad, I did not initiate this relationship either, and it continued only because of my episodic, sometimes unwilling, submission to my partner?s intentions.? I was not the player but the one being played).? Both of these individuals were kinky, imaginative, and abnormally horny ? horny enough to seduce the unwilling and carry on despite a nearly-total lack of love in the face of occasional overt disinterest ? so I don?t think there is anything I?ve really missed in terms of frequency or technique of sexual offering.? But I would not normally call this kind of thing a relationship, because (to me, anyway) relationships require love.

To translate this out of Sanskrit and put it in the plainest possible English:

I

just

don?t

care

about

sex

(even or perhaps especially to be inhibited or outraged concerning it)

unless I?m already in love with you.

I could imagine someone using sex in order to fall in love with somebody, and perhaps most love relationships actually begin that way ? two or more people making love for so long that they ultimately begin to love the bodies/souls of the people they?re making love with.? It is possible that if I had more spare time, I might get back on the club scene and try just that; before KarlH mentioned it, I had already discussed it with my spiritual advisor and gotten a preliminary go-ahead.? But I think my more fundamental problem is the absence of love not the absence of sex and that even an explicitly-requited Platonic relationship would far better satisfy this need than any amount of carnal satisfaction, with the Platonic blow of an explicitly-requited love relationship which carries sex along with it being the best possibility of all.? And even accepting the value of the ?Platonic blow? is a significant concession to sex from my historical baseline opinion, which you can read about in Socrates? second speech in Plato?s Phaedrus (but do read the original, and use the linked outline only to track down the passage for yourself).

Consider it a reluctant erotic pedagogy from a grumpy old curmudgeon who thinks he knows better than you, any of you young pups who might be reading this.? Forgive him the arrogance of age.

Source: http://lonelygoth.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/on-love-and-sex-for-karlh/

javier colon javier colon chris hansen super pac new orleans new orleans inspire